Let’s Get This Partay Started

It sucks to suck at first impressions. But usually I do. I often come on too strong, blab waaay too much, and interrogate the person Twenty Questions-style: “So, where ya from? Got siblings? What perfume is that? What’s your sign? Oh, a Virgo? That blows.” Then, what happens is either (a) we become besties, or (b) the person half-heartedly excuses themself to the “restroom”. Bummer. So here I am now, trying to find a way not to suck at this first impression (and I’ve already managed to offend all those Aug 23-Sep 23 babies; oops?). Bear with me, good people.

I tend to use vast amounts of of hyperbole, which is why I’m such a good blogger (and she’s so modest, too!). However, it’s time for me to start a new blog, because my last one was doomed from the start by its totally dead-end theme: The Infamous Study Abroad Blog–or, as I like to call them, SoBs. You know, one of those blogs where a perky, wide-eyed American college student goes to a foreign country and talks about how it’s, um, not American.

Now, I don’t have anything against SoBs, except that a disgusting majority of them read something like this: “Today, we went to a museum! It was soooo historic! Then we ate gelato. Can you say YUM?!?”

UM, can you say “shoot me”? Snooze-cruise alert, ¡por favor! This is why I cannot, in good conscience, continue my own SoB. It’s dead to me. Gonzo, busted, kaput. And that’s where this bitchin’ new blog comes in, a space where I can hopefully make observations that go beyond, “I love this place because they talk funny and you don’t have to be 21 to drink! Teehee!”

I’ll give you an appetizer sampler of things this blog might cover instead (and just like at Applebee’s, each item will be delicious, temptingly juicy, and bad for your health!): pop culture news, hook-up blunders, BookFace stalking rules, being a bad-A feminist, the occasional Lady Gaga reference (get over it), and all your favorite #FirstWorldProblems.

In the coming weeks, my lovely readers can expect me to address grueling topics such as:

– “What the hell is a TSM and why am I so disgruntled by it?”, and other GDI laments

– “I’m not claiming to speak for anyone else’s experience, BUT…”, and other liberal arts college mantras

– “WE’VE GOT MOTHERF*CKING TROLLS ON THIS MOTHERF*CKING THREAD!”, and other Internet etiquette matters

And much, much more. Stay tuned, mofos. xxxx, Steph