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That Whole Looming Job Search Thing

October 25, 2011

Senior year has begun. Consequently, so have a seemingly endless number of “What are you doing next year?” inquiries. Oh. Here. We. Go.

As normal conversations with friends start to devolve into lamentations about the job market and the importance of networking, I can already feel myself becoming more annoying. Because I’ve begun, as I like to call it, my new “Personal Campaign for Eventual Employment”.

It all started with the nose bling. A few weeks ago, I was looking at myself in the mirror, as I often do (just being honest), and decided that my cute little CZ stud (which I used to adore) was not “job interview appropriate”. I took a deep breath and ripped the little bugger out, promptly disposing of it. This makes me sad, not because of the nostril jewelry but because of what it symbolized to me: youth! fun! spontaneity! a hint of crazy! But no longer.

Then there’s my consideration of the ol’ Facebook name change. Every year around this time, there’s a whole bunch of switching-out-the-last-name-for-the-middle-name sneakiness, so that those risque party pics can’t pop up on the Google machine. Hah, future employers! You can’t find me now! Some opt for nicknames, or make up entirely new last names. I question the effectiveness of the name change, because anyone with even the most basic Facebook stalking skills could probs find you if they took half a minute.

My tagged photos are disappointingly mild, but I’ll probably change my name just for funsies. Instead of Steph Saxton, I’ll be Steph Sabertooth or Steph Sapphire. Oh wait, that’s too porn-y. Okay, got it: Steph Sandwich. That’ll throw off ’em off for sure!

Now, to give you some perspective, it’s not like I have any interviews coming up. But I’m coming to that point in my nearly-completed college career (gah!) where I can’t help but constantly reevaluate my behavior, social media presence, professional appearance, and–oh yeah, that pesky resume. Because I know I’m the fabulously ideal candidate my employer is looking for, but how do I put all my awesomeness on one measly page, you know? Impossible! Too much awesome!

FYI: Next time you make a blog, make your URL as inoffensive as possible. Because, surprisingly, having “BitchIsCrazy.wordpress.com” on your resume does NOT impress your career counselor. Oops. Thankfully, my resume-reviewer eventually decided it was okay for me because, in her words, I’m “special”. Not sure how to feel about this. Regardless, my future employers could be looking at my site at this very moment. (If so, hello there! I love you?) But my blog link is kind of sequestered at the bottom of my resume in the hindmost “Skills & Interests” section which most employers probably never bother with, so it’s doubtful.

The week before senior year commenced, I told my mother that I was no longer going to grad school right after graduation. The convo was essentially a sales pitch, as I assumed my best car salesperson voice, and presented her with all the facts and figures. I assured her that working instead would be better given my field of interest (media!). She seemed to take the news well. That is, until, she started dropping hints in subsequent conversations the next week. “I hear Sarah’s going to law school,” she would quip. Or, “I hear John’s got his first med school interview, isn’t that just great?”

NO MOM. ACTUALLY, THAT ISN’T GREAT. I do not need one more reminder that my pre-med and econ major friends are going to be making hella bank while I intern my (unpaid) way to oblivion.

To illustrate my frustration, here’s a pie chart I made up about what I think my friends will be doing after graduation:

Post-Graduation Workplace Demographics (Or Lack Thereof) for the Pomona College Class of 2012

This is absolutely 100% not factual. But it might as well be.

Oh, what a coincidence: as I am writing this, my mom just called me to tell me she hates my LinkedIn profile picture. Apparently I look “plain”. Sigh. She even offered for me to go take some Glamor Shots at the mall, so that means she must really hate it.

Moral of the post: in the next month or so, I will probably spend more time with my resume & cover letters than with my bed, which is all sorts of messed up (also all sorts of hyperbole, but whatever). It’s okay though…what’s that saying? “This too shall pass”? Yeah, let’s go with that.

For now, I have more pertinent things to worry about. Like, what am I going to eat for lunch? And ooh, what am I going to be for Halloween? In honor of my new fake social networking identity, the answer to both of these questions might very well be “sandwich”.

UPDATE (10/27/11): I have been informed that my pie chart adds up to 102%. Just so you know, that was totally intentional.

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