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The Ultimate Showdown: Google+ versus Facebook

July 30, 2011

Google me this: How many fabulous status updates does it take to make it look like I’m a fun, popular person who leads an interesting and colorful life?

Because I just joined Google+, and it’s stressing me out. I already have to concoct witticisms for Facebook and Twitter and my blog for chrissake. That means I’m about one Foursquare login away from transforming into a massive social netdoucheing tool. The last guy who put his friends into circles was kind of a douche too:

So, what’s the deal with Google+? For those of you interweb illiterates, it’s the newest wannabe Facebook murderer. It’s just like ol’ Facey, but with Skype-, group SMS-, and Twitter-esque features (named “hangouts”, “huddles” and “streams”). CNN described this networking medley as the “combo-plate approach”, calling it “Taco-Bell-Meets-KFC”. Without the heartburn, I presume.

Early stats on the site show that there was a ginormous gender gap, with roughly 80% male membership. I always enjoy breaking up a good sausage fest, so I decided to join the party.

Google+ is a mere month old and there are already over 20 million members trolling about. To put this in perspective, Facebook has roughly 750 million. But 20 million is nothing to scoff at, since G+ is still technically in the testing phase. Previous Googleventures, like Google Wave and Buzz, have proved ill-fated—maybe third time’s a charm?

The real question is, are the G+ members actually using this new product? Because my “stream” is a total snooze cruise right now. If someone has anything really juicy to say, they’re almost definitely gonna post it elsewhere. Popular excuses include: (a) “But everybody’s on Facebook!”, (b) “But I spent three years trying to get Twitter followers!”, or (c) “But MySpace is gonna have a Second Coming, I just know it!” I swear someone recently said that last one to me, verbatim, so I had to bitchslap some sense into them.

G+ also has a strong emphasis on sharing news links (“sparks”), so all your well-read friends can make you feel like an uninformed bag of shit. Apparently, you can even earn “badges” for keeping up with various news sites. But “badges”? I mean, c’mon. What is this…Girl Scouts? I, for one, am not in the market for badges, as I retired my badge-boasting, cookie-prostituting days long ago.

The biggest draw of Google+, supposedly, is that you can categorize your friends into “Circles.” This allows you to easily share certain things with certain people. It’s true that you can do this on Facebook too, but it takes a lot more dicking around. So far I’ve made circles for friends and for non-friends (the latter includes groups like: People I Hid on Facebook, People Who Watch Fox News, People Who Enjoy Two and a Half Men, etc).

The circle-loving networking infant is giving the folks over at Facebook a run for their multi-billions. No doubt FB will keep rolling out innovations to try to one-up G+. Just this week, the site added an “I’m expecting” option to profiles (yep, not even fetuses can escape the ubiquity of the ‘net)—so now you know¬†Zuckerberg & Co. are ready to declare war. They were certainly not amused when this sidebar advertisement ran for a few hours, before the Zuck’s minions noticed:

Honestly, I think Google+ is here to stay. Maybe that’s just because I’m so jaded with my current news feed, and I only use FB for virtual rubbernecking (stalking) old high school friends—who, by the way, need to start popping out babies or something (you guys are like so effing boring!).

Which reminds me, does anyone need an invite? ‘Cuz I can hook you up. But which Google+ circle you’ll be put into…well, that’s another matter. It will be directly related to how obnoxious I deem your Facebook etiquette.

One Comment leave one →
  1. August 14, 2011 10:44 pm

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